Long, long ago, in a far off land called Missouri, one Oregon girl stuck out like dandelion in the roses at a little bible college. One day, my small group leader had us make a list of things we wanted in our “perfect man”. She smiled smuggly at us, waiting to prove us wrong, and I remember thinking it was odd. Shouldn’t we all want the same things? Loves God, Kind, Faithful, etc. But no, the other girls listed things about how good looking he should be, that he had to play guitar, or work with kids, know about cars, provide for her, think she was the hottest thing. Out small group leader’s face became smugger and smugger with each person who was willing to share their list. She hit them with a bang — she told them how wrong it all was and that they should be focused on Christ, backing it with scripture (the ultimate Bible College whammy). I agreed with what she was aiming to get at, but not how she approached it. I couldn’t have been more glad that I did not share with them that night. In fact, I’m pretty sure I avoided sharing anything with that small group for the rest of the year.
Here’s what her “perfect man” spiel reinforced in me:
if you share something personal from the heart, you will face rejection.
This wasn’t something that I came to a conclusion to because of my old small group leader, but something that had become a truth in my life. Or at least that’s how I felt it was. I didn’t plan my future wedding because I didn’t want to get attached or heartbroken over any of it. I didn’t talk about my dream husband because I didn’t want to be disappointed or give crazy expectations to whoever I dated.
If I acknowledged these things, that made them real. And made me breakable. And I didn’t know if I could handle that.
Let’s discuss more on this tomorrow.
Dandelions – You see flowers in these weeds.