Bull

Leave behind your regrets and mistakes; come today there’s no reason to wait: Jesus is calling

Bring your sorrows and trade them for joy; from the ashes a new life is born: Jesus is calling


Many things have been rambling around in my life. I don’t know that’s even possible. It’s been more like a bull in an unlit children’s room full of stuffed animals. Unseen, crowded, out of place, confusing, chaos, but not necessarily doing “damage” like he would in a china shop. But if someone were to turn on the light they would see the mess. That the bull has been present for quite a while and still hasn’t found its calm.

For some reason, over the years, I have told myself that I have to keep my life together. That no one can know about my real emotions. That no one really wants to see them or deal with them. I tell myself it’s okay because I don’t lie to them, I just don’t let them into that little kids room. If I say, “Yes, times are tough. But it’s teaching me to trust in God.”– I’ve found that that suffices for most. No one asks “and what’s that like?” or “what struggles are you facing in that?” They here me answer with something God-like and they check out. I know, because I do it too. I don’t let them into the kids room because that’s where the realness is. And realness is raw. There is a tender, delicate heart inside, that desperately needs to open a door and allow the bull to leave. Or kick it out. Before he destroys the walls. 

I’m tired from it. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I am learning to trust in God. That is definitely true. It’s hard. There’s no way I could do anything or be myself without Him. I’m required to find Him in the little things. In all things. I desperately need Him. I love that I love for Him and crave His presence in my life.

What I really need? What I really need is to turn that little kids room into an altar to Him. Remind myself that He can tame the bull, that is me, into a gentle lamb.

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